Fifty Shades of Grey’s redundant companion novel Grey: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian (as written by author E. L. James) was released yesterday. Its lead character is mysterious, precocious, spoiled, aloof, hard-headed, deeply affectionate, and a man’s penis. Christian Grey’s sex organ is busier than a termite in a sawmill in the newest chapter of the Fifty Shades saga. Here is an exhaustive catalog of the 39 things that Christian’s cock does and has done to it in this text, as reported by its owner: