It is obvious from its first page that Purity is a worthless novel and its author, Jonathan Franzen, a worthless writer. Even the very first line, spoken by one of Franzen’s “characters,” is unbelievable: “Oh pussycat, I’m so glad to hear your voice”—the voice that of no human who has ever walked this earth, except an inept and pretentious novelist.

Jonathan Franzen, master of his own author photo propaganda, has a new binding of pages with words written on them coming out in... ten months. It is called Purity. Have you ever been more excited to read a work of lidərəCHər in your entire life?